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HOW I RECLAIMED MY FEMININITY

Hi, my name is Kavalya Dhyan and I am a woman – a woman who behaved like a man for most of her life. Or let’s put it that way: In order to succeed in this man made world I had to adapt a lot of male characteristics. A syndrome I regularly observe in “strong” women and it comes with a price.


I had to turn 40 in order to start worshipping the feminine aspect in my life and I am glad I eventually did. To comprehend the sensation of this statement I have to turn back the wheel of time. More precisely to the point in my life when I decided to go to China in the age of 25. Back then my plan was to fight Kung fu, study some Mandarin, explore Daoism, taking pictures and writing a screenplay - all of that in three months. I thought I have it all figured out and already knew everything. Of course I didn’t manage to accomplish half of what I wanted, instead I fell in love with a Chinese punk – an amour fou which triggered the biggest crisis of my life. But that is another story.


THIS story is about me in my Twenties, being very much outgoing, always acting, never really resting or digesting. I was hungry for more of this exciting experience called life. I identified as androgynous and there was a period in my life in which I thought I was bisexual. I used to love the idea of myself being free like a bird. I even thought I don’t need anyone. I had sex when I wanted it, but made sure I wouldn’t fall in love. I glorified my independent life style and I was in love with the density it brought along.



I EVEN THOUGHT I DON'T NEED ANYONE


I was working on a project base as a TV executive and once a production was over you could be sure I was sitting in the next plane to find new ways to confuse myself. So basically, when I was not working 60 hours a week, I was travelling, chasing adventures and always tried to reinvent myself somehow, somewhere, far away from home.


What I didn’t realise at that time was that I was the incorporation of YANG energy. My perception of the duality of life – in context of YIN and YANG - was completely one-sided and I would not even be able to contemplate this imbalance because I was so busy to exhaust myself.


That is probably why it was like a shock when I had to slow down after I learnt that I got pregnant in the age of 38. It was like discovering a mysterious new land, far away from my comfort zone. Only then I started to contemplate the neglect of the feminine aspect in my life, even though I considered myself as a disciple of Daoism. How ironic!


So, before I continue let us remember what characteristics are attributed to the two polarities:


The list goes on, but it is important to note that these two polarities need each other in order to exist. Without having lived in dependence, we cannot experience freedom. Without having felt rejection, we cannot recognise affection and probably the most compelling law of duality: Due to death, we are able to comprehend life – death makes us understand that life is finite.



SELF-LOVE IS NOT BOUND TO A CONDITION


I am very grateful that I realised the enormous imbalance of YIN and YANG in my life, because it enabled me to embrace and worship the femininity I was avoiding before. I would lie to you if I claim it was easy to appreciate the slowness, the digesting, but most of all, I found it very difficult to sometimes just bear things. This is a very important point, so I allow myself to get into it a bit deeper:


From childhood my strategy to be seen and heard was, to do something extraordinary. I had to stand out in order to be recognised. That is why I thought for a long time, that to be loved is bound to a condition. In fact it was the survival mechanism of my younger self - trying to get some attention. That is why I couldn’t comprehend for most of my life that I can be loved without doing anything.


picture created by Avia


On top of that: In this masculine dominated society we are conditioned to always have a solution for everything, but sometimes the art of life is just to be. Not to act – having the patience and courage to stand still and bear the silence.

 

“Knowlegde speaks, but wisdom listens”


Jimi Hendrix

 

So I started to listen and realised: In order to succeed I traded my vulnerability for the role of being the strong leader. I subconsciously conditioned myself to overrule my feelings by the illusion to control myself, which led to a version of me being a control freak.



STRESS AS A STRATEGY OF NOT LISTENING


One of my strategies was to overindulge myself in new projects, keeping myself busy in order to prevent the void and space for feelings to surface and I know that a lot of women nowadays are doing the same. So the big question is: How are we, women, getting back our abilities to worship the supreme feminine qualities within?


The first step towards us worshipping the gifts of the feminine polarity is to remember.

So please: Women of the World, sisters in divine, goddesses of Yin, we have to reclaim our femininity and stop acting in a masculine way, just because the world is made that way.



TIME TO REMEMBER THE SUPREME POWER


It is not a coincidence that we women are the gifted ones who got the supreme power to grow life in our bellies, because it is the power of the Yin that is able to bear and to conserve. By our abilities to nurture and face the challenges of a pregnancy we empower ourselves to the creation of the biggest wonder on earth. Beautiful babies, perfectly developed human beings - each one of them a universe for him/herself. I repeat, because this is important, even if you choose not to be a mother: We, the women in this universe, own the immaculate quality to grow babies out of ONE single fertilised cell. How supreme is that?


So I asked myself a lot recently: If we can do that, we can also reshape the future into one that is more feminine. I am talking about a society in which women can be successful without needing to act in a masculine way - in which softness and slowness are not considered to be a “weakness”. A world that treasures care work and doesn't look down at women who decide to be full time mothers. A space where Intuition is regarded as a quality, not downgraded as a witchy thing and overruled by rationality and intellect. Basically I am dreaming of a society that values the idea of a WE TOGETHER rather than a ME ALONE - one that relies on the power of the heart and questions the preconceptions of the mind.



HEART OVER HEAD - LOVE OVER FEAR


In order to remind myself of the supreme Yin quality within me, I stopped cutting my hair. So every time I watch into the mirror right now my long hair reminds me of the goddess within who is following her intuition rather than trusting her head.


What about you? Can you identify with one of the things you just read? How do you celebrate your supreme Yin power within?


Here is one of the practices that can help you empower the Yin energy. Enjoy!

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About Me

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Kavalya Dhyan is my spiritual name. It was given to me according to the numerology of my birth date. I chose to get it because it helps me to connect to the infinite part of me -

my soul. 

SAT NAM

#Kavalyadhyan

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